Football: Football. It's a funny old game, isn't it?

I'VE never laughed so much at some of the goings on this week.

Graeme Souness bids pounds 20million for Wolves.

By my reckoning that's pounds 4million for each of the fourstands, pounds 3million for Matt Murray, pounds 900,000 for thetraining ground, pounds 40,000 for prime Wolverhampton city centreland used currently as car parks, pounds 40,000 for the coach, pounds15,000 for the burger vans, pounds 4,999 for the rest of the playingsquad and pounds 1 for the trophy cabinet.

Meanwhile, over at Chelsea, Peter Kenyon ignores his mobile asVilla seek talks on a loan for Shaun Wright-Phillips.

And Milan Baros' agent publicly links his client to Chelsea.

Over at Blues, Tom Ross, blamed by a band of internet Baggies fansfor scuppering a move for Rowan Vine - "Vine-Gate" as it shall now beknown - has leaked details of Albion's next transfer targets to SteveBruce.

Albion press officer John Simpson attempts some form ofretribution by whispering "pounds 5million" and the name Eric Djemba-Djemba in Ross' ear.

Still at Blues, there was the diary fiasco. Blues finally wonsomething, and it's there in print, while Villa are awaiting deliveryof their Leyland DAF Cup.

Then there was the soil episode and the re-laid pitch just daysbefore the home game against Leeds.

Never did I expect anyone from within football to come up with theterm "agronomist" (soil expert).

And Blues reckon their gypsy curse has been lifted!

Over at Chelsea, Kenyon still refuses to answer his mobile...

And Baros' agent links his client to Real Madrid.

At Albion, a sulking, brooding Nathan Ellington complains that hisprice is too high.

If he plays against Leeds this weekend, expect the Duke to wearprotective pads over his bottom lip.

So let's get this straight, shall we? You can play terribly for 18months, pull a "sickie" over Christmas and still moan at yourchairman.

Meanwhile, over at Stamford Bridge, Kenyon receives anothermessage from Martin O'Neill on his answerphone but decides that theIrishman isn't important enough.

Baros' agent links his client to LA Galaxy.

BILL H OWELL